Hard to keep hope
I left a 20 year relationship in October, we had been together so long, and his son had died two years before, and I didn’t have my own verblijfstitel or savings, so things were VERY bad before I left, and I was afraid to involve the police in case it affected my or my daughter’s ability to stay in the country.
The national abuse number I called then said they couldn’t help me. The huisarts eventually got me in with PsyQ who just gave me increasing amounts of anti-anxiety meds when I complained that coping skills classes didn’t seem the right fit for abuse. My physical complaints were also dismissed, and led to more anti-anxiety meds. In May I had suicidal plans, was in extreme GI distress, and was refused all resources as I was already registered at PsyQ.
I’ve managed to get my own visa, find housing, and thrift furnishings and smaller clothing, plus I’ve started specific treatment for CPTSD. I’m down 15 kilo, still can’t eat, am too tired to keep appointments with an expat divorce lawyer, have lost 30% of my income with second year of ziektewet, and am in care with Maag/darm/lever, but scheduled for a third major diagnostic without having found a clear cause, and I still can’t eat. Apparently twice a month ACT sessions mean I’m not able to access other mental health services.
I feel so stuck. I’ve made hard choices, I’m doing hard things. I keep getting worse. My only family here is my daughter (in MBO across the country). I don’t know how to get better.
5 Reacties
I honestly find it very upsetting to hear that you aren't getting the kind of help that you need. I suspect that there are many things you know better about yourself than the huisarts does, perhaps it would be in order to rephrase an issue and keep asking for help that feels more fitting? I think that you have the final say about what feels like fitting treatment for you and that the huisarts is supposed to be there to provide guidance and advice towards that goal. "Could we explore some other options?", perhaps? I think that you can be proud of what you have managed to do for yourself under the circumstances, baby steps win the race.
I just wanted to give you some recognition that indeed it can take a lot of time and perseverance to get the right help and that the system is tough with all the rules, waiting lists and choices.
Please keep in mind you have already come a long way. I hope you can find some peace knowing we are here to support you 🤍
Hello Em, what a difficult situation you've pulled yourself out of!
I assume that the abuse mentioned was by your own partner then at the time?
I hope your daughter is doing well.
Regarding how to get further. If act isnt cutting it for you, have you considered finding different treatments?
Problems with eating and digesting has been an issue for many victims. In many cases its a psychosomatic problem and its the cptsd thats causing a lot of the problems. Eating disorders as a response to abuse is quite common but many people think its anorexia or boulimia, while thats only a small part of it. Eating at times is one of the few areas where people feel in control off. Besides that, a lot of people eat more or less (varies) when they are under a lot of stress. A part ofcourse is again feeling in control over something.
This however doesnt exclude a physical cause, because if there was none one could occur and should still be treated.
The question is, do you currently feel in control of your life, your problems and do you have the tools to cope with them?
It can help to get treatment from someone whom actually and really understands trauma. Unfortunately not every therapist has the proper knowledge to treat it.
So you can also take a stand and ask for guidance towards are more appropriate treatment.
You can also contact your city and get help via WMO to help arrange things with you that are required to make a change.
Unfortunately a lot of waiting lists though.
Hello Steven, thank you so much for the thoughtful reply. My GGZ referral was. July 2024, I am classified as “SGGZ” and have been refused services by every contact save PsyQ, which feels a very bad fit but I honestly don’t know where else to go. It took six months with them to even get ACT treatment instead of just anxiety pills and “emotional regulation” training which felt very inappropriate. Sociale Wijksteam, after multiple intakes, only offered a Schuldmaatje, I was referred there this year June.
I do NOT feel I control. I have shared my concerns with lacking safety net with PsyQ to no avail. Feeling stuck is also a panic, but really I’m out of ideas.
Unfortunately the whole world of healthcare is quite dreadful for Cptsd. You can always contact your healthcare insurance for assistance with "wachtlijst begeleiding" and perhaps they can also assist in finding a clinic or similar perhaps a bit further away but more appropriate for your situation.
Have you considered joining a live support group? Because in my opinion people with lived experience can sometimes be of a lot more use than some therapists can be.