Hard to keep hope
I left a 20 year relationship in October, we had been together so long, and his son had died two years before, and I didn’t have my own verblijfstitel or savings, so things were VERY bad before I left, and I was afraid to involve the police in case it affected my or my daughter’s ability to stay in the country.
The national abuse number I called then said they couldn’t help me. The huisarts eventually got me in with PsyQ who just gave me increasing amounts of anti-anxiety meds when I complained that coping skills classes didn’t seem the right fit for abuse. My physical complaints were also dismissed, and led to more anti-anxiety meds. In May I had suicidal plans, was in extreme GI distress, and was refused all resources as I was already registered at PsyQ.
I’ve managed to get my own visa, find housing, and thrift furnishings and smaller clothing, plus I’ve started specific treatment for CPTSD. I’m down 15 kilo, still can’t eat, am too tired to keep appointments with an expat divorce lawyer, have lost 30% of my income with second year of ziektewet, and am in care with Maag/darm/lever, but scheduled for a third major diagnostic without having found a clear cause, and I still can’t eat. Apparently twice a month ACT sessions mean I’m not able to access other mental health services.
I feel so stuck. I’ve made hard choices, I’m doing hard things. I keep getting worse. My only family here is my daughter (in MBO across the country). I don’t know how to get better.
5 Reacties
Please keep in mind you have already come a long way. I hope you can find some peace knowing we are here to support you 🤍
I assume that the abuse mentioned was by your own partner then at the time?
I hope your daughter is doing well.
Regarding how to get further. If act isnt cutting it for you, have you considered finding different treatments?
Problems with eating and digesting has been an issue for many victims. In many cases its a psychosomatic problem and its the cptsd thats causing a lot of the problems. Eating disorders as a response to abuse is quite common but many people think its anorexia or boulimia, while thats only a small part of it. Eating at times is one of the few areas where people feel in control off. Besides that, a lot of people eat more or less (varies) when they are under a lot of stress. A part ofcourse is again feeling in control over something.
This however doesnt exclude a physical cause, because if there was none one could occur and should still be treated.
The question is, do you currently feel in control of your life, your problems and do you have the tools to cope with them?
It can help to get treatment from someone whom actually and really understands trauma. Unfortunately not every therapist has the proper knowledge to treat it.
So you can also take a stand and ask for guidance towards are more appropriate treatment.
You can also contact your city and get help via WMO to help arrange things with you that are required to make a change.
Unfortunately a lot of waiting lists though.
I do NOT feel I control. I have shared my concerns with lacking safety net with PsyQ to no avail. Feeling stuck is also a panic, but really I’m out of ideas.
Have you considered joining a live support group? Because in my opinion people with lived experience can sometimes be of a lot more use than some therapists can be.